Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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