Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
