The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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