I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
