when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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