What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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