On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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