Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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