she woke up with a sticky ear
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
