thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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