My balls are so social today.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You're a waste of cheezeits
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
