and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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