Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
