He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
