Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
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I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize