Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i think i just lost a toe
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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