listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
