Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
