Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
