people are starting to question the shark bite story
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
