did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize