i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
