You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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