for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
