i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back