We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends