New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We got so high we made milksteak
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?