why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ðð