i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??