Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
