i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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