I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
