I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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