I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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