Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
