69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
