like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
