I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
