ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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