Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
