i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
