last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize