Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
