i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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