you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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