Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
how does that bad decision feel?
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