Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Also, beer. Big fan.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
