She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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