These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
