Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
