apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
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I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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