so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
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i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
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Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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