Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
