I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
