I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
