i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The best revenge is premature balding
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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