my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
