so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
