Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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