he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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