I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize