My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize