I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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